Inside

Calls of ‘movement’ echo down the corridor and students start filing into class. I try to see if I can understand where each student is today. Lack of sleep, poorly treated mental health problems and general turbulence mean attitudes change day to day, minute to minute sometimes. And over time you get a sense of what lies beneath that - appeals and medical appointments that never seem to come, transfers nearer family that are promised, postponed and then taken away entirely. You hear about tragedy after tragedy and fight not to become immune to them. Women come in with bags under their eyes and tell you that they haven’t slept in days, that the person in the cell next to them plays music all night.

The challenge of writing Inside, a larp about women’s education in prison, is the challenge of telling a story that I stumbled into and which is only partially mine. I wrote Inside in response to what I heard and experienced. The character creation process is player led, both because of the delicate topics involved and because all the options which allow players to build a character, a life, are unexaggerated.

Whatever your view of prison, it is probably unlike what you expect. It certainly wasn’t like I’d imagined. What became obvious, again and again was how little power the women had over their own lives. They could earn privileges which would grant them the option to wear their own clothes and have TVs in their rooms. They were allowed to work (and get paid something around 30p an hour). They could go to classes, and classes like the GCSE English equivalent that I taught is mandatory for anyone who hadn’t completed it. (In some cases this was people who grew up in non-English speaking countries, in some cases it was women who had fallen through the gaps in the system, and in some cases it was women who clearly had achieved far beyond this level but hadn’t been able to get their certificates transferred, leading to very mixed classes). But every moment of their lives was controlled. Underlying it all the claustrophobia must have been unbearable, but for many women the outside wasn’t much better. A lot of the women had faced or were facing abuse and neglect and were coming from situations which had left them powerless and afraid.

Inside isn’t a fun larp. It isn’t shouting, it isn’t drama and it isn’t escape. It’s one day in a hundred days of a group of people who have ended up in a situation that they need to get through.

Inside will premiere at The Smoke 2018: London’s International Larp Festival. After that it will be available on a pay what you want basis on Drivethrurpg. Any money received will be donated to Clean Break .  

Exile: A Larp about depression, loneliness and connection

'A', sits in a dark room in a surreal plane of darkness. They share the last remaining food with a cat they befriended, who can talk, but no longer purrs, a shadow - an attached being who is part of A, yet independent and an embodiment of loneliness that can appear in any form.

The game is not about hopelessness, although despair seems to haunt the scenes. The play takes place entirely in the surreal plane, although stories from A's everyday life narrated by each character separate the scenes, and these take place in normal, everyday reality, one which A apparently no longer exists in.

As a prelude to the first act A spoke about her perfect sister who disappeared and had never been spoken of again. A could have tried to find out what happened to her but didn't. Why? Were they already detaching from everyday reality and becoming part of the dark world? A doesn't remember why they let it go so easily but is content to let it drift again. 
"It was a lifetime ago".

A, it became clear, was bitter and cynical. Whatever had gone before they were now trapped in a world of symbolic and literal darkness. A world reminiscent of depression where nothing mattered and everything was an effort. During the first scene, in a room lit by a dimly glowing lamp they speak with the shadow, the cat and the embodiment of loneliness. 

The shadow is almost childlike, wanting A to explore the world, to find light so that she could be seen. 
"Shadows can't be seen in darkness," she says
"And it's a shame because I'm beautiful, more beautiful than you... oh but it's not your fault, all shadows are more beautiful than their people."

The cat stopped the game slipping into outright misery. Desperately needing people and desperately hiding that need provided some light hearted moments, but moments that fit the tone of the game. The cat was the one driving the mission to find the last can of tuna, making it easier for A to leave the apartment than to argue.

Loneliness was an interesting character. I have no doubt that in some runs of the game loneliness is played as bitter and cynical, as flat as the way I played A. But here loneliness took an almost zen approach to their surroundings, encouraging A to keep waiting. That things were fine just as they were. That soon they would be over. Peaceful.

After the first scene, another story. And really the stories that the players told provided a lot of the insight and inner play that went into A's character. In the second one the player of the cat narrated a period of A's life where they had always gone to the shop with their parents and sister to buy sweets every Saturday, but gradually the sister stopped going, and then the parents stopped asking A if they wanted to go and finally A was watching from the window as the rest of the family came and left the house. 

Then, in the dark world, the trip to the supermarket to get the last can of tuna from the cat. Loneliness convincing the party to hide from possible movement in the distance. The shadow dancing under a street lamp feeling free until A pulled her away. A segue into another story, told by the shadow in character. A had just broken up with Matt and was crying. They had moved into a new flat and the shadow wanted to paint the walls bright colours and make everything look beautiful, and they could have done that, built a real life but A couldn't stop crying and she was 'so selfish'. And the shadow tried to tell them this but they couldn't hear. Which lead to A's only emotional outburst of the game as she and the shadow were huddled on the floor shouting at each other 
"You made me hope. You always made me hope. That's why I'm here."
They returned to the apartment. 

Back at the apartment, again dimly lit, the mood was solemn. There was one last can of tuna but when it was gone there was nothing. Only the cat ate. After playing out some discussions about what had happened, the world and A's past A said they were growing tired of it here. The shadow protested that there was some light, that they were needed to help feed the cat, that it was selfish to let go, because wherever A went the shadow had to follow.

Loneliness told a story, in character, of A's childhood. 
"You went to the fair with your sister and you won a balloon. Do you remember it? It was beautiful, you had never seen anything like it. But your sister, your younger sister who you loved wanted the balloon. And do you remember what you did."
A, voice wavering, eyes shut "I...I let go"
"Yes"
A sigh

A turns to her shadow. 
"We could let go. We can fall asleep"
"We might wake up"  The shadow replies.

They join hands.
                                                                   ****

The way I interpreted this game was an exploration of depression rather than loneliness. A depressed state would be hard to portray purely in a larp but the landscape was designed to be one which took the energy from A. Even the shadow, the most energetic and enthusiastic of characters could only find joy in the vague shimmer of light from the street lamp.

It is possible the 3 other characters were all parts of A trapped in the dark plane with them. It's possible the (unscripted) ending allowed A to come back to the real world. 

Some states, depression, loneliness. anxiety and lack of connection can be better explored through surreality and I think Exile does this well. However, for me the most intense and immersive moments came from the other character's stories about A's life, about what could've happened to bring them to this place. About whether there was a way back.


Exile can be found here.
     

Love in the Age of Debasement

Love in the age of debasement is a game about dysfunctional couples (at various levels of dysfunction). It’s quite an intense game obsentially about making the decision about whether to break up or stay together, but also about talking around a topic, and exploring power dynamics in a relationship.

Each couples had various issues, and we were playing next to a workaholic (who thought his partner was using him for money) and a party girl type (who wanted her partner to lighten up.) Their main conflict was whether they could continue as a couple given their different lifestyles, which was pre-generated information. You did have some options to create the background for the characters and in doing so you could create the stakes. Had they been together for 6 months? 18? Did they have shared friends? What were their hobbies and interests?

I played Hanna who was in a couple with Einar, her abusive boyfriend. This role came quite close to home in personal history, which is something that I wanted to explore. I felt that maybe there was something in the character I wanted to understand, to remember.  It felt safe. I was playing with a very good friend who had made it clear that he was looking out for me, one of the people I would really trust with this.

I found some of the mechanics of the game a bit difficult, but I wonder how much of that was in terms of our couple, who had a rather black and white dynamic. Although there was nuances - mainly put there by the wonderful person I was playing with, it was never going to be a situation with a potentially happy ending where the couple walked off into the sunset, all problems behind them.

The rules were that we could only address the issues in the relationship directly when our songs played (and after our last song when we had to decide whether to stay together or not). The two songs we chose were Tainted Love and Enjoy the Silence.

To start with this went quite well with Einar beginning apologetic and talking about plans for the future with Hanna. We did indirectly allude to the abuse, and I also established Hanna had been manipulated to the point where she believed that if she wasn’t the abuser herself then she was certainly partly responsible for it.

The issue of only being able to have the conversation about the partner’s central issue during the songs made things difficult and after the first song we let it slide a bit. I wonder if it was difficult for the other couples who had less black and white issues in their dynamic. We got in a bit of a circle and ended up playing out a process which would probably take a much longer time to play out in real life. Einar wanted Hanna to give up her job and Hanna wanted to keep her job, see her sister and visit her old friends from university. We played these conflicts out over again in a variety of ways.

Einar trying to force Hanna to call work and tell them she wasn’t coming in any more.

Einar taking her phone, deleting her work contacts and going through it. “Who’s James?”

Subtle threats, less subtle threats, shouting.

Hanna being sent to the bathroom after she started crying “tidy yourself up and stop making a scene.”

Hanna, with her best fake smile assuring Rita from the other couple that everything was fine.

Einar banging on the bathroom door “Hurry up”

“You just keep going on. We would be perfect if you didn’t keep going on all the time”

“Look at me. Now smile. Now kiss me. That’s better. We’re fine. Everything’s fine”

Hanna desperately apologising, not knowing what was wrong with her that she couldn’t keep the man she loved happy.

Talk of a child. Hanna realising this is something she wanted desperately.

Hanna saying “No, we shouldn’t have a child.”

Hanna suggesting she see a doctor or a therapist to find out why she acted so unpleasantly all the time.

Hanna daring Einar to hit her, telling him no-one was watching, wanting desperately to believe he could control his temper, that a child would be safe.

Einar telling her that she hadn’t heard the last of it. Storming out punching a wall on the way.

Einar and Hanna desperately clutching hands as the last song played, talking of going home, of decorating the house, of whether the baby would be a boy or a girl.

I think we got immersed to the point where we didn’t explore everything. We established that Hanna had been mainly isolated from her family and old friends, but not what Einar’s family were like. Traditional? Abusive? We didn’t really examine his reaction at all. The concept of the baby didn’t come up until near the end of the game, although it actually fuelled quite a large part of my internal play once the idea was there.

And why did Hanna stay? I wonder how many people have played the character before me, who have played a triumphant Hanna having a moment of realisation that she had to get out. How many others played a Hanna who was rescued (in the debrief the couple at the table next to us revealed that they had slipped out to phone the police who had been unhelpful.) And maybe less often, how many times did Einar’s player promise to change and mean it (at least for the moment.) But we didn’t play like that. Hanna was afraid, and she had been manipulated into believing she was complicit in the abuse. She had been worn down until she was dependent and had been isolated from her friends and family, from anyone who suggested that maybe Einar wasn’t good for her. And they were all reasons. But there was another one, one which isn’t often talked about in this narrative and that is the pure intensity of a relationship where you’re the centre of someone’s world. When you’re on a pedestal, adored, when you’re terrified to slip. Maybe that’s another reason.

I fell easily into Hanna’s mentality, but despite my experiences of abuse and despite Hanna’s fear of and for herself I never once as a player felt frightened or unsafe. I wonder how it would have felt to play against someone I didn’t trust so much and I’m not sure if I would have been able to do it.

It does raise an interesting question about playing games inclusively (and I do genuinely feel that we should be welcoming to people who are new to the hobby or the group) and playing characters who are more of a stretch for you in a small group of people you know and trust.

I suppose these options aren’t really mutually exclusive. I’ve been part of campaigns where the players have been selected as a continuation of previous campaigns and also larps and RPGs with lots of new players. I enjoy Nordic larping, and that can be intense. I remember how nervous I was the first time I played. So I think running games for newcomers should always be an option but so should playing games that stretch you in ways you only want to risk around people you know. Games where you can explore and understand things about yourself.

http://larpfactorybookproject.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/love-in-age-of-debasement.html

Best gaming moments of 2015, in no particular order

1. Starting to Larp. My first event was Muster and Hush and the first larp of the day in particular, ‘Before and after silence’, a Black Box Nordic larp, was something I found revolutionary in the way it enabled me to express emotions, despite taking place in complete silence.
2. Playing campaigns - I played a Monsterhearts tabletop campaign and am playing in an ongoing larp called The Wave. I don’t get much chance to play campaigns and in both cases it was a chance to get really into the character's back story (and in the case of the Wave, in character e-mails). I really enjoy one shots but I love the depth that campaigns allow.
3. GMing. One game this year and it’s a one player, one GM scenario which I’m looking for new players for. But it’s a start. Watch out world!
4. Not strictly gaming, but getting to know some wonderful people. Sitting (or standing, or walking) around pretending to be someone else is a great introduction for the socially anxious. And then from there it’s much easier to have conversations.
5. Seeing the amazing things my friends have achieved this year; creating games, being published, running exciting, nuanced games. It’s been really fantastic.
6. Writing my first larp and running it, once as a pre playtest, once as a playtest and once because people requested me too. I’m very proud of it and excited. I’ll have to write another one soon!

And in 2016….

1. My game, Peace will hopefully be published in an anthology later in the year
2. Diversity, Discussions and Dice, an event about social issues in the gaming community will take place on 24th January https://www.facebook.com/events/936644033037738/
3. I will be playing Montsegur 1244 in January after a wait of only a year and a half!
4. I might be working on another project involving a larp warm up game. More to come on that later.

If there were a middle ground between things and the soul: White Death - a blackbox larp

Spoilers for White Death - if you are planning to play the game at any point then you shouldn't read this.

There is a fascination with life and death and what lies in between. A fascination with the difference between victory or defeat, between defiance and giving in. White Death, a black box larp written by Nina Runa Essendrop and Simon Steen Hansen, and hosted by James Harper explores these themes in an abstract, dreamlike way.

The concept of the game is loosely about a group of human settlers who are attempting to build a mountain community. Their human existence is difficult and desperate. This was represented by the fact that no verbal (or nonverbal signed) communication was allowed, by movement restrictions (mine was to walk like a marionette with strings on my legs, arms and wrists. We were also assigned arbitrary likes and dislikes (mine being ‘I envy people with a different hair colour than mine).We were also assigned allies and enemies and quickly made additional ones when the game started. The ‘human’ side of the larp took place in the light, the lit upside of a black room.

We had the ‘resources’ of balloons, which represented ideas, dessicated coconut which represented survival and white paper which represented faith. They appeared in a spotlight in the dark side of the room and we had to cross over to get them.

An interesting thing I have noted is often in non verbal larps items quickly become a method of communicating, either a currency (an exchange of one for another), a way of forming an alliance (giving something of yours away), or a status symbol (taking as much from other people as you can.) If you get immersed in the game these actions can become really meaningful. When someone replaced something that had been taken from me with something of their own it felt like a really intimate moment.

Non verbal larps are strange. Unlike the verbal freeform larps I’ve played there is no clearly defined character beyond a few descriptors. In the silence everything becomes more immediate and you become part yourself, part someone else. Perhaps the person you would've been, perhaps the person you wished you had the strength to be. I don’t think that’s quite right either though. My character was protective of the other settlers, trying to stop fights and comfort people who hurt. But she was also scared of the unknown.

During the second half of the game a human stepped out into the darkness and transformed into a white one, a being full of joy, a being which could be an angel, a spirit, simply snow or maybe a bit of all three. After that there were four snowstorms which were the only times the white ones become visible. During that time they could stand at the edge where the light and darkness connected and reach out for humans to join them. And my character (me?) was trying to hold people back, trying to bribe, or scare or physically prevent them from going somewhere where she only knew that they would not return from. This started as instinct although we knew, although we had been prepped in advance to know the people who were going were ‘going somewhere better’. Perhaps there was something within me that was repelled at the thought, that the symbolic crossing over and becoming angels was death. And perhaps this is where the defiance came in for me, that I didn't want people to go willingly for something uncertain. Or perhaps it was something in the character I created, who was trying to make peace and keep the community together. Whatever the reason, despite my best efforts everyone managed to cross apart from 4 of us by the time that the last storm arrived. Two of the people had definitely held out due to their own choices but one was, due to imposed limitations, was physically stuck to another and so may not have had much choice in the matter!

In the final storm we all had to cross. I was the last to go, this time trying to ensure the others crossed safely (and completely forgetting the physical limitations that I had in the process.) Then when I turned to cross there were a wave of hands reaching out for me which actually made me feel a bit emotional and accepted.

And on the other side there were bubbles and everyone was dancing. You were supposed to be the carefree element of light and air and I did feel lighter, like it was easier to drop my inhibitions and just move with pure joy. On this side there wasn't even a pretence at playing a character but you weren’t playing yourself either. You were playing a being who was somehow both greater and lesser than you had been.

It was a thought provoking larp with surprisingly emotional moments. It also played very interestingly with the nature of who we were and who we were playing. There was knowledge that our characters didn't have although Jamie, the organiser made a point of saying that it was fine to let go of the scenario and play however you preferred. I suspect there was a spectrum of attitudes there and I fell somewhere in the middle. I suspect some people tried to make sense of their restrictions and preference and created a fully rounded human character from it. I expect some people just played as themselves or did whatever seemed interesting in the moment. And I suspect some people, like me were caught between playing someone else and being themselves. And maybe understanding and reflecting on your actions as yourself is what enables you to explore the themes of the game and their meaning to you freely.

Lots of LARPs including 'Here Comes a Candle'

The game I posted about play testing here is now online along with lots of other fantastic larps. Please check them out. And if you happen to run 'Here Comes a Candle' at any point please let me know how it goes!

http://www.goldencobra.org/submissions2015.html

'Terps - Review of a LARP. Contains graphic violence

During the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq the US army employed a few thousand combat interpreters to assist them in negotiating with the local people. The combat interpreters were people who lived in the country, often with families, and were promised visas on the US's exit. They needed visas on the US's exit. By working with American troops they had been considered by the Taliban and ISIS to be the enemy. They were threatened. Their families were threatened. But it would be OK because once the war was over they could leave the country for safety and a better life.

It didn't happen like that

Although some were given visas, some were left in their country, no longer protected and facing retaliation. In November 14 Junid Herean in Afghanistan, was captured and killed by the Taliban, a reprisal for his role as an interpreter. He was 26 years old.

A man who gave his name as Nader, also in Afghanistan, said that he struggled against two Taliban troops who were attempting to execute him. They shot him in the leg, he lay down and they thankfully left. He believes that had he not struggled he would have been killed.

In Iraq Malak (name changed) is currently on the run from ISIS, family in tow, after seeing a video of his fellow interpreter and close friend be beheaded.

The life's of these men and the life's of their families are currently in danger. Some are waiting for the US visa they were promised, a process they were told that could take up to 5 years, others were fired by the US military, often they claim towards the end of the US's involvement in the war and over minor issues. Nadar claimed he was fired for refusing to shout at an Afghan woman.

                                                       _____________________________

When Jason Morningstar wrote 'Terps it was to tell this story. Combat interpreters trying to improve the war torn place where they lived and the lives of them and their families. A science fiction lens has been placed over the true events. The Combine, an interstellar peace keeping operation has despatched troops, known as COMPROFOR to the planet Sirai where law and safety have been threatened by the PFLS.

COMPROFOR, not familiar with the language or customs of the planet have employed combat interpreters to communicate with the people of Sirai. The combat interpreters will earn a good wage and at the end of the war they will get a Combine visa for themselves and their families. Everyone involved knew that leaving them behind unprotected would result in their death or worse at the hands of the PFLS who would now view them as traitors.

There were interpretation scenes, family scenes and process scenes where the interpreters were attempting to get their visas. The game I played was run by Graham Warmsley and Karolina Soltys.

I played Karijan. My character sheet said that I used to be a taxi driver in the capital of Sirai. The PFLS killed my husband and I sent my salary home to support my mother and child (when I explained this in the first scene it was clear that the COMPROFOR officer had no respect for the interpreters "You don't think about them having families, do you?") It also said on my character sheet that if COMPROFOR pulled out and left us behind PFLS would shoot me at the grave of my husband and make my child watch.

We each had 3 scenes and the majority were disturbing. Until my last scene I thought I'd got off lightly. After someone had experienced something horrible, the death of their wife or being shown the chopped off hand of their brother or after someone would refer to the Sarai people as 'us' after a mission Njel, a retired army officer would always say, "not us, them. We are Combine now." It was something he held onto even after his daughter had acid thrown in her face.

My first two scenes were an awkward one where I was trying to apply for a visa and an officer was interrogating me, finding something wrong with every one of my answers. My second scene was a relief, meeting my daughter in a safe house but lying to her about how she just had to wait a little longer and everything would be wonderful. I also lied in my third scene when I was brought into see a suspected PFLS member who had been badly beaten. She said that she knew where the base was and I told the officer that she didn't know. He dismissed it as her lying and said as an officer he couldn't been seen to be involved in anything unpleasant, but if he left the room for 5 minutes then maybe I could get something out of her. I refused until he said 'do you want a visa or not?'

I sat with her for a few minutes begging her to give something up. I didn't hit her until she threatened my child. 

When I came back to the barracks area and collapsed Njel reminded me that they weren't us any more.

Then, the last scene - they had done the job apparently and were just leaving a few local forces behind to clear things up a bit. They were sure our visas would be sorted eventually. We would just have to wait.

And they left.

We talked about another plan, rushed and panicked although we knew this was coming. We would take our families and go underground. We would hide for as long as we had to. We weren't Sirai citizens, we weren't part of The Combine. "we are us" Njel said - although of course that wasn't, never would be enough.

I want to believe in the 4 characters making their way to somewhere safe with their families, maybe even finding their way off the planet and on to a safer one. I can believe that if I want. I can believe that because it was a game. I can believe that because we were pretending. If only the combat interpreters left in Afghanistan and Iraq could be so lucky.

Here Comes a Candle - a playtest of the first larp I've written

Maybe you began trying to fight back alone, passing out subversive literature because you couldn't bear seeing the eager young eyes that shone up at you look defeated and broken in just a few short years. 

Or maybe you began alone because one day your brother vanished, your younger brother who you promised to look out for but who you could never teach to keep his thoughts and opinions to himself. The regime were pretending he hadn't existed so you found the biggest, blankest wall you could and spray painted a memorial to him. "Murdered - gone too soon"

And maybe, as you were about to be caught, as a leaflet was about to slip into the wrong hands, someone took it and winked. Or perhaps as you were running and dodging bullets that you knew would hit you soon, someone took your hand and pulled you to safety.

The 4 of you had similar stories, of wanting to fight, of needing to fight. This was the first time in your life you realised that you weren't alone.

So, perhaps you became bolder, or perhaps you became more cautious, feeling that the 3 other people, standing defiant beside you, were your family and without them you would be lost forever. 

Did it come as a surprise when you got caught, or did you know that someday this would happen? You had all seen cruelty by this point, real cruelty. Families tortured, houses burnt and worse. All in the name of public safety. 

So why did you not expect this? When the 4 of you were pushed lost and beaten into a cell and told that you had a chance to live? That despite your activities against the state the ruler had decided to be merciful. Only one of you had to die at dawn. The 4 of you had an hour to decide who it would be, which of your family, as they had now become, would be killed.

This was playtest 1b (playtest 1a consisted of 2 people and scribbled scraps of paper).
This one I tried to present the way the finished larp would be. All the characters had a reason to live, with questions challenging it, reasons to die, with questions challenging it and a memory that bonded them to the rest of the group. They created characters from this and then the game began. 

My favourite moments were:

- About halfway through the game characters switched from arguing for their lives to arguing about why all the others in the group had better reasons to live.

- My utter frustration that one of the characters that was in love with another character was just hinting at it and not saying it outright.

- The character playing an academic started arguing rationally and then admitted that she considered the rest of the group her family and couldn't bear to lose them.

- Everyone saying goodbye to the person who was going to be executed made me feel really emotional. 

- The anger of the character who was going to die as he read the statement confessing to committing the crimes and the look of powerlessness and despair on the faces of the other characters (which was what I was trying to evoke.)

I also got some brilliant feedback after the game:

- At one point I had asked the players to announce which reason to live they had picked (although not the attendant questions). I had told them to pick out their reason to die secretly and not share it out of character. I wanted it role played and I wanted it to come as a shock within the game. Some players said that they were reluctant to mention them in game as they were unsure if they still had to be kept secret. This is something that I have to correct when I write it up.

- I emphasised in the description of the game that the characters had been engaged in civil disobedience and peaceful protest. One of the players suggested that it would be interesting if they didn't fight peacefully. 

I agree it would be an interesting exploration of when and if it is necessary to fight violence with violence but I was afraid that it would add an extra issue when the players only had an hour to make a decision. I was also afraid it would add an extra layer of complexity at the cost of some of the emotional impact. I may add some suggestions on the finished document of how the game can be altered to allow this though.

- Another suggested question for the character sheet was 'what has the regime done to you?' I'm debating adding it because:

a) Sometimes when you've lived with something all your life it's difficult to see all the wrongs that have been committed against you clearly, particularly in the context of a regime that regularly lies to people.

b)It implies one big thing had to have happened which is probably true in the case of some of the characters. However, I would also like to leave room for someone to be fighting because 'it's the right thing to do' or because they've suffered millions of 'paper cuts' and can't take it any more. Or for someone to fight as an outlet for their anger.

I'd love to play test this again. Actually, I'd love to be a player in it at some point too but I think I'll have difficulty finding the players, time and a venue,

I'm entering it for the Golden Cobra Challenge which means I can't publish it at the moment. I will put up a link to it early - mid November though so that other people can download it and play it if they wish.

I am really excited about this game, not only because it's the first larp I've written but also because of the reactions of the play testers. It works! I'm not sure I expected that!

For people in London - Larpers or those who want to try out a larp

I'm going to make an attempt to push my LARP playtest on people again. Sorry to those who are hearing this for the millionth time.

The LARP is called here comes a candle. At the moment I have 3 people coming and ideally I'd like to test it with it 4 -6 players. 

The premise is:

Some of you have never known any different. Some of you remember what it was like before. All of you have witnessed the horrors of the totalitarian authority after they took power. 
So you resisted. Quietly and subtly at first and then as you found each other you began to make bolder moves. Newsletters, stories, graffiti, memorials for the dead. You became a family.


You got caught. 


In a prison cell together you were offered a deal. If one person confesses to being the leader of the resistance movement they will die. The rest of you will go free. Back to your children. Back to your lives. Back to continue the fight. Only one person needs to die at dawn. You have one hour to decide who.


Players will each have a reason why they should be the one to die and what they want to live for. The question is whether they can agree to the death of one person, one member of a group that has become a family, to save the life of the rest.


Are you willing to die? Are you willing to live? 

The event is on 13th October and you can sign up here: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/826958927402132/

It's the first LARp I've written and the second game I've written so I'm a little nervous.

If you would like to come but are not on Facebook or have any questions, please message me.


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I say a Little Prayer

Please note that this is a description of my experience playing the LARP I say a little prayer. If you intend to play this Larp at any point I would recommend that you don’t read this review - there will be spoilers which could lessen the emotional intensity and overall experience of the game for you.

I say a little prayer is about the lives of 5 gay men living in the 1980s (we chose London as our location.) It was written by Tor Kjetil Edland and facilitated by Graham Warmsley. All the characters in the game were distinct and we were very lucky to have a great group of players who managed to bring out the key aspect of each character.

The characters were:

Daniel - Outgoing, with a tendency to speak his mind. Charge nurse by day and drag queen by night. 
Robert: (My character) An empathetic ballet dancer, idealistic and emotional,  Robert had met his true love, Jim a year ago.
Jim: A literature student and aspiring novelist. Impulsive and the way he was played (which worked well), dramatic and prone to exaggeration although easily giving into emotion. Jim is Robert’s love but unlike Robert believes in a non traditional family and non-monogamy. 
Tommy: Probably the most self destructive of the group - damaged but hopeful, oscillating from despair to euphoria.
Benny -  The new guy. Probably the most drama free of the group, he spoke his mind and was empathetic with a flair for performance.

Act 1

The LARP was set in two acts. The first acts began with spotlight scenes which were heavily scripted. I wasn’t sure at first it was necessary (I think I wanted to get onto the relationship drama), but actually each scene showed us a little bit about each character; Daniel’s on stage persona, Robert’s empathy, Jim struggling with being open about his sexuality, Tommy’s tendency to self destruction and Benny’s impulsive nature. That meant that the players could start the relationship scenes with an idea of the character already in their mind.

Then the relationship scenes began - in the first half there were a few poignant moments. I had a scene with Jim who wanted us to have an open relationship and confessed to sleeping with other men (later scenes showed this may or may not have been true).

I also had a meaningful scene with Tommy’s character, trying to persuade him to come him with me after he was drunk and behaving inappropriately at a nightclub. Following the directions both characters switched moods and attitudes but the scene ended in Tommy and Robert crying on each other’s shoulders. It was later implied that Robert slept with Tommy, partly out of anger at Jim, which became significant later.

Other scenes included an incredibly awkward one where Jim and Benny were checking out men at a club while the rest of us danced background characters, and a particularly meaningful interaction between Daniel and Benny.  

At the end of Act 1, one of the character’s fell ill and died of AIDs. Graham as the facilitator asked everyone to write their names on cards and put them facedown in a suitcase. You could choose between one and 5 cards depending on how high risk you felt your sexual activities had been. After taking a moment Graham announced that in 1983 Tommy fell ill with Aids and died. Tommy’s character then gave a monologue about what happened, when they were hospitalised and how they died. Each character took hold of Tommy. When the last character let go Tommy had died. 

Act 2

Act 2 began with the four remaining characters present and clearing out Tommy’s belongings. The scenes in act 2, after Tommy’s death were far more hard hitting as they dealt with grief and the feeling of a death sentence hanging over the group.

Tommy was present as a ghost, touching and moving among the other characters but mainly not being noticed. One of the things I really liked in this LARP was that there wasn’t a strict adherence to the rules. Although Tommy wasn’t supposed to be visible he appeared in a scene when Jim, who had started to become afraid of the life he was living, was applying for a job as a teacher, a job he adamantly hadn’t wanted previously. During the meeting with a prospective employee he saw someone who looked like Tommy who was reacting as if they were deathly ill, something which the employer didn’t see. It worked well as an improvisation, both in that it gave an insight into Jim’s grief and also that it illustrated the fear that was causing him to try to change his life.

Daniel also became more bitter, believing that in having slept with Tommy he had killed him. He appeared unafraid of his own suspected death sentence, although admitted that he was in a scene we had together where Robert was also afraid as he was the only other one who had slept with Tommy.

There were some real gut punch scenes for me. Daniel getting angry at a fan who wanted to have sex with him after he believed he had killed Tommy, Daniel getting angry at Robert for believing he had infected Tommy and Benny and Jim talking at the disco about Jim feeling like a coward and Jim telling Robert he was marrying Mary, a woman his parents had put pressure on him to propose to.

Then, another death lottery. This time I put 5 cards in figuring that Robert had a) slept with Tommy and b) had a lot of sex after Jim announced he was getting married.

Daniel died this time, which made sense in game. He gave a moving monologue which did make me feel quite emotional and then as before each person touched him and the last person to let go meant his death.

Then there was an epilogue where the survivors, Benny, Jim and Robert were lighting candles to float down the river in the memory of those we had lost. Again a poignant scene which ended in an unscripted group hug

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The game was heavily directed by the facilitator which was generally a positive. At first I was a bit sceptical about that approach as it cut off scenes and forced characters to answer questions. However, particularly in the second act it brought out the emotion more heavily in some scenes, for example, by asking characters to switch their focus from a loved one leaving them to a loved one dying. It also kept scenes short and significant. It reduced time players had to fully explore their characters but ensured that the majority of scenes ended on a hard hitting note, some which felt like an emotional punch. 

To play this Larp successfully you need a very engaged facilitator and an ability to be able to let go of yourself and step into the life of your character. Perhaps due to the directing this was surprisingly easy. The first act, with it’s tones of self exploration in both constructive and destructive ways allowed all the players to build up characters who learn how to function together as a family. The dynamics between some particular characters and even the group as a whole built everyone up and brought them together.

And then, when act 2 hit it was a shock, although it shouldn’t have been, although we knew we were playing gay characters at the start of the 1980s, although we knew AIDs was part of the plot. When we were waiting for the death lottery I wasn’t only nervous because I didn’t want my character to be the one picked, I didn’t want any characters to be picked. I had grown so close to 4 fictional people over the course of about 2 hours that I didn’t want anyone to ‘die’ in the game (and be fine two hours later). And this was, for gay men in the 1980s, a reality of life. That you would watch friends and partners slowly dying in front of you and know that you could be next. 

And when act 2 began everything had changed. All that had been built up was torn down again. There was guilt, grief and fear and little room for anything else. Even through this the characters processed their feelings in their own ways, staying consistent to their personalities. But there was also a thread running through act 2 about how death had changed everyone, and everyone was diminished by it. 

In the epilogue, the 5 characters standing in a group hug, an unscripted moment of hope felt like it could be a redemption. People break and then go on the best way they know how. And if they live then they change but they don’t stay broken forever.

Round up of Events

Fallen Stars

I’ve played three LARPs in the past month or so and really enjoyed them. In many ways it’s similar to tabletop role playing but the emotions experienced tend to be more intense and the connection built with the other players seems to be greater.

Fallen stars is a LARP which was run by Mo Holkar and Graham Charles as part of the Seedbox Collective. It’s about objects which were placed in a jumble sale to raise money for a church roof with the understanding that items that weren’t sold were either going into storage or into the dumpster to be crushed. Each participant played an individual object. They were all the sort of things you might find in a church jumble sale including a book on wedding speeches, a musical saw, a cricket ball, binoculars and a heart shaped paper weight which I played.  

Her name was Rose

There were three parts to the LARP. When the customers weren’t around the objects behaved like those in Toy Story. They could communicate with each other, mainly about how they had been treated, how they were priced and comments customers had made about their value, but as soon as people came into the room they had to pretend to be inanimate. Customers with different needs (played by Graham and Mo) examined the objects (which included objects which weren’t played by a character and weren’t considered to have a spark of life.) In some cases the customers mistreated our objects and in other cases they showed genuine interest in purchasing some of the character played objects.

At one point in the LARP each character gave a monologue about a significant memory in their life. Mine was being given to my owner by an ex-girlfriend and then thrown against a wall and forgotten about when the relationship ended, before being donated by his mum to the church sale. (“but he will be back for me - I’m sure”. He was not.) While they recited a story from the past the other players acted it as a charade. The LARP took place over the day of the sale. As time passed the characters who hadn’t had a buyer became more panicked and indignant at not being sold and it created an atmosphere of fear but also mutual support.

This LARP, while examining how we treat (or mistreat) objects also seemed to illustrate how we treat people as things . Obviously, it is not the same. I sincerely hope that my mobile phone doesn't have a rich inner life which hurts it when I throw it across the floor in frustration after getting annoying news. I hope I don't have a Sid from Toy Story moment when the books I read in the bath suddenly turn on me at my most vulnerable. But do we sometimes treat people as things? The philosopher Kant believed that

"We should act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end."

In other words, although we sometimes need people for our own purposes, a bus driver say or a doctor, we should not merely use them as an instrument to our own purposes (although clearly they have a purpose to us) but also treat them as people who have their own hopes and dreams beyond what they can do for us. I'm not sure I always do this. I use people sometimes, even those I care about. So this is what I've taken away 1) It was an interesting LARP (where do people come up with these ideas?). 2) Do I treat people well enough? I've always believed in Kant's maxim - do I live it? I was aware of this concept before I had began to consider Kant. In Terry Pratchett’s Carpe Jugulum Granny Weatherwax expressed the theory that sin comes from treating people as things. She added the important qualification 'including yourself'. 

We are judged and do judge according to other’s standards. There is pressure on everyone to act a certain way, to look a certain way and that determines our value in the eyes of strangers. If the LARP asks us to consider anything perhaps it asks us to consider this. How do we decide the worth of others? Who decides our worth?

The seedbox collective is a group based in London intending to run a LARP every month. The next LARP is called ‘I say a little prayer’ and is about gay men living in New York in the 1980s. Please visit the webpage for more information:

The Seedbox Collective

GMing

I must do this again. I GMed one game but that was in my little safety bubble of people I knew and trusted. Also, most importantly, they were there doing me a favour. Any entertainment value they got from the game (and I hope that they did) was incidental because they were helping me out. GMing for people who expect to be entertained is harder. I wonder if I should run Inspectres just because I suspect that as a teacher making things up on the spot will be much easier than planning in advance and having my plans derailed and trying to bring them back together again. There is an Indie meet on the 18th August. Watch this space.

The Immersivist's Club

The Immersivist's club is a newly created club based in London for a group of people who want to play story games and LARPS which seek to answer questions about life and possibly create emotional bleed. Examples of games that we'd like to play include Ribbon Drive and Grey Ranks as well as a number of Nordic Larps. Our first game, Ribbon Drive is on this Saturday but we hope to be playing different games regularly. Please join our Facebook group for updates

The Immersivist's Club

Mailing list

I now have a mailing list which I will send out twice monthly with updates on blog posts and events. Please sign up here:

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