Exile: A Larp about depression, loneliness and connection

'A', sits in a dark room in a surreal plane of darkness. They share the last remaining food with a cat they befriended, who can talk, but no longer purrs, a shadow - an attached being who is part of A, yet independent and an embodiment of loneliness that can appear in any form.

The game is not about hopelessness, although despair seems to haunt the scenes. The play takes place entirely in the surreal plane, although stories from A's everyday life narrated by each character separate the scenes, and these take place in normal, everyday reality, one which A apparently no longer exists in.

As a prelude to the first act A spoke about her perfect sister who disappeared and had never been spoken of again. A could have tried to find out what happened to her but didn't. Why? Were they already detaching from everyday reality and becoming part of the dark world? A doesn't remember why they let it go so easily but is content to let it drift again. 
"It was a lifetime ago".

A, it became clear, was bitter and cynical. Whatever had gone before they were now trapped in a world of symbolic and literal darkness. A world reminiscent of depression where nothing mattered and everything was an effort. During the first scene, in a room lit by a dimly glowing lamp they speak with the shadow, the cat and the embodiment of loneliness. 

The shadow is almost childlike, wanting A to explore the world, to find light so that she could be seen. 
"Shadows can't be seen in darkness," she says
"And it's a shame because I'm beautiful, more beautiful than you... oh but it's not your fault, all shadows are more beautiful than their people."

The cat stopped the game slipping into outright misery. Desperately needing people and desperately hiding that need provided some light hearted moments, but moments that fit the tone of the game. The cat was the one driving the mission to find the last can of tuna, making it easier for A to leave the apartment than to argue.

Loneliness was an interesting character. I have no doubt that in some runs of the game loneliness is played as bitter and cynical, as flat as the way I played A. But here loneliness took an almost zen approach to their surroundings, encouraging A to keep waiting. That things were fine just as they were. That soon they would be over. Peaceful.

After the first scene, another story. And really the stories that the players told provided a lot of the insight and inner play that went into A's character. In the second one the player of the cat narrated a period of A's life where they had always gone to the shop with their parents and sister to buy sweets every Saturday, but gradually the sister stopped going, and then the parents stopped asking A if they wanted to go and finally A was watching from the window as the rest of the family came and left the house. 

Then, in the dark world, the trip to the supermarket to get the last can of tuna from the cat. Loneliness convincing the party to hide from possible movement in the distance. The shadow dancing under a street lamp feeling free until A pulled her away. A segue into another story, told by the shadow in character. A had just broken up with Matt and was crying. They had moved into a new flat and the shadow wanted to paint the walls bright colours and make everything look beautiful, and they could have done that, built a real life but A couldn't stop crying and she was 'so selfish'. And the shadow tried to tell them this but they couldn't hear. Which lead to A's only emotional outburst of the game as she and the shadow were huddled on the floor shouting at each other 
"You made me hope. You always made me hope. That's why I'm here."
They returned to the apartment. 

Back at the apartment, again dimly lit, the mood was solemn. There was one last can of tuna but when it was gone there was nothing. Only the cat ate. After playing out some discussions about what had happened, the world and A's past A said they were growing tired of it here. The shadow protested that there was some light, that they were needed to help feed the cat, that it was selfish to let go, because wherever A went the shadow had to follow.

Loneliness told a story, in character, of A's childhood. 
"You went to the fair with your sister and you won a balloon. Do you remember it? It was beautiful, you had never seen anything like it. But your sister, your younger sister who you loved wanted the balloon. And do you remember what you did."
A, voice wavering, eyes shut "I...I let go"
"Yes"
A sigh

A turns to her shadow. 
"We could let go. We can fall asleep"
"We might wake up"  The shadow replies.

They join hands.
                                                                   ****

The way I interpreted this game was an exploration of depression rather than loneliness. A depressed state would be hard to portray purely in a larp but the landscape was designed to be one which took the energy from A. Even the shadow, the most energetic and enthusiastic of characters could only find joy in the vague shimmer of light from the street lamp.

It is possible the 3 other characters were all parts of A trapped in the dark plane with them. It's possible the (unscripted) ending allowed A to come back to the real world. 

Some states, depression, loneliness. anxiety and lack of connection can be better explored through surreality and I think Exile does this well. However, for me the most intense and immersive moments came from the other character's stories about A's life, about what could've happened to bring them to this place. About whether there was a way back.


Exile can be found here.