If there were a middle ground between things and the soul: White Death - a blackbox larp

Spoilers for White Death - if you are planning to play the game at any point then you shouldn't read this.

There is a fascination with life and death and what lies in between. A fascination with the difference between victory or defeat, between defiance and giving in. White Death, a black box larp written by Nina Runa Essendrop and Simon Steen Hansen, and hosted by James Harper explores these themes in an abstract, dreamlike way.

The concept of the game is loosely about a group of human settlers who are attempting to build a mountain community. Their human existence is difficult and desperate. This was represented by the fact that no verbal (or nonverbal signed) communication was allowed, by movement restrictions (mine was to walk like a marionette with strings on my legs, arms and wrists. We were also assigned arbitrary likes and dislikes (mine being ‘I envy people with a different hair colour than mine).We were also assigned allies and enemies and quickly made additional ones when the game started. The ‘human’ side of the larp took place in the light, the lit upside of a black room.

We had the ‘resources’ of balloons, which represented ideas, dessicated coconut which represented survival and white paper which represented faith. They appeared in a spotlight in the dark side of the room and we had to cross over to get them.

An interesting thing I have noted is often in non verbal larps items quickly become a method of communicating, either a currency (an exchange of one for another), a way of forming an alliance (giving something of yours away), or a status symbol (taking as much from other people as you can.) If you get immersed in the game these actions can become really meaningful. When someone replaced something that had been taken from me with something of their own it felt like a really intimate moment.

Non verbal larps are strange. Unlike the verbal freeform larps I’ve played there is no clearly defined character beyond a few descriptors. In the silence everything becomes more immediate and you become part yourself, part someone else. Perhaps the person you would've been, perhaps the person you wished you had the strength to be. I don’t think that’s quite right either though. My character was protective of the other settlers, trying to stop fights and comfort people who hurt. But she was also scared of the unknown.

During the second half of the game a human stepped out into the darkness and transformed into a white one, a being full of joy, a being which could be an angel, a spirit, simply snow or maybe a bit of all three. After that there were four snowstorms which were the only times the white ones become visible. During that time they could stand at the edge where the light and darkness connected and reach out for humans to join them. And my character (me?) was trying to hold people back, trying to bribe, or scare or physically prevent them from going somewhere where she only knew that they would not return from. This started as instinct although we knew, although we had been prepped in advance to know the people who were going were ‘going somewhere better’. Perhaps there was something within me that was repelled at the thought, that the symbolic crossing over and becoming angels was death. And perhaps this is where the defiance came in for me, that I didn't want people to go willingly for something uncertain. Or perhaps it was something in the character I created, who was trying to make peace and keep the community together. Whatever the reason, despite my best efforts everyone managed to cross apart from 4 of us by the time that the last storm arrived. Two of the people had definitely held out due to their own choices but one was, due to imposed limitations, was physically stuck to another and so may not have had much choice in the matter!

In the final storm we all had to cross. I was the last to go, this time trying to ensure the others crossed safely (and completely forgetting the physical limitations that I had in the process.) Then when I turned to cross there were a wave of hands reaching out for me which actually made me feel a bit emotional and accepted.

And on the other side there were bubbles and everyone was dancing. You were supposed to be the carefree element of light and air and I did feel lighter, like it was easier to drop my inhibitions and just move with pure joy. On this side there wasn't even a pretence at playing a character but you weren’t playing yourself either. You were playing a being who was somehow both greater and lesser than you had been.

It was a thought provoking larp with surprisingly emotional moments. It also played very interestingly with the nature of who we were and who we were playing. There was knowledge that our characters didn't have although Jamie, the organiser made a point of saying that it was fine to let go of the scenario and play however you preferred. I suspect there was a spectrum of attitudes there and I fell somewhere in the middle. I suspect some people tried to make sense of their restrictions and preference and created a fully rounded human character from it. I expect some people just played as themselves or did whatever seemed interesting in the moment. And I suspect some people, like me were caught between playing someone else and being themselves. And maybe understanding and reflecting on your actions as yourself is what enables you to explore the themes of the game and their meaning to you freely.

Tips for new GMs - of which I am one

It feels like a massive leap to be sitting (metaphorically or literally) on the other side of the table. Not only do you have to come up with a scenario and make it entertaining but you have to deal with the fact that your players are going to do the exact opposite to what you want and expect them to do and then frantically scramble round for a way to get the adventure back on course without railroading your players (virtually impossible).

An initial tip would be to start with something like Monsterhearts. You will need to introduce elements and ensure everyone feels confident enough to participate but if you are running a one shot you can basically give your players free reign.

The wonderful +Tom Pleasant  taught me about the concept of the 5 room dungeon which is a great way to create a short scenario. The idea is you have a beginning point and an end point that you are working towards (although if your players do something amazing that would make a fantastic end point that’s fine too.) The dungeon doesn’t have to be a literal dungeon. To take a typical fantasy setting a 5 room dungeon might look like this.

Except, spot the problem?  To achieve the ending you have to ensure that the characters take the right steps in the right order and that’s not likely. The only way you could run this scenario would be to guide them from event to event and not let them do anything else.

So a better way to write the scenario would be:

Now we have several different paths to several different endings and potentially a more interesting game that gives the characters options. You will still need to be prepared for players to deviate from the paths you have chosen but it will be likely you have covered most eventualities. The important part is to ensure the events that need to occur, occur. In this example you could probably start the story from the characters witnessing the dragon act, possibly replacing 1 with 2a if you wanted to start in medias res.

The scenario I was writing was one player, one GM which I think is a good way to start if you’re feeling nervous, especially if your player is someone who will give you feedback on what worked and what didn’t work afterwards. Also playing the same scenario with different people is a great way of exploring where players are likely to want to go. Another suggestion of Tom’s was to look at things you’ve recently watched or read, take a scene from them that stood out and then incorporate them, maybe with slight changes, into the game. I was writing a Cthulhu Dark scenario and my inspirations were:

A scene from a recent Dr Who.

A scene from Jessica Jones

A concept from a recent LARP I played.

A scene from Handling the Undead by John Ajvide Lindqvist

Once I had mashed them together and altered them to fit the game I don’t think any of them were recognisable. The game took about an hour and a half (including character creation which I want to experiment with and swapping in and out of coffee shops because they kept closing.) I’m not sure if it’ll get longer or shorter as I get more competent. Probably less waffly and with less of an info dump at the start. Once I’ve found a few more playtesters and run the game a few more times I will write about my experience with it and the dynamics of running the scenario with different characters. When you have one PC who they are and how they interact with the scenario matters a lot.

Mental health (not gaming related)

This post is not about gaming. I'm going to be talking about mental health issues. This may not interest you. That's fine. There will be more gaming posts coming soon.

I’m having a low patch at the moment. I know this will pass but my depression and anxiety are both overtaking me and I just want to hide under the duvet. What this means - well your experience may vary - but some of the fun thoughts I am having include:

• I’m useless.
• No one wants me around, they just put up with me out of pity.
• I’m weak.
• I’m going to feel this way forever.
• If I leave the house I’ll have a panic attack and everyone will see and judge me.
• I will have a panic attack in front of my friends and they will see me and judge me.
• Trauma related reactions which barely make sense to me and won't make sense to anyone else.

Here’s the thing about depression and anxiety. They lie. You have probably heard the analogy about having a broken bone. People say mental health difficulties should be treated like that, in the same way as a broken bone. You go to the doctor, you get the treatment you need. It’s true. But a broken bone doesn't lie to you. A broken bone hurts because it’s broken. It doesn't get inside your head and tell you that you’re not worth it.

By the way, you are worth it.

Depression lies. Anxiety lies.

And you are not alone. You realise that more and more as you talk to people. I’ve often heard the statistic quoted that 1 in 4 people suffer from mental health problems at some point in their life. I think it could be more than that.

The things that you’re telling yourself - they’re not true.

Depression lies. Anxiety lies.

I am writing this because one of the issues mental health problems cause are secrecy and isolation. If this applies to you, or has applied to you in the past, look after yourself. And hang on. One more day might make all the difference. It's lying to you. You aren't alone.

Lots of LARPs including 'Here Comes a Candle'

The game I posted about play testing here is now online along with lots of other fantastic larps. Please check them out. And if you happen to run 'Here Comes a Candle' at any point please let me know how it goes!

http://www.goldencobra.org/submissions2015.html

'Terps - Review of a LARP. Contains graphic violence

During the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq the US army employed a few thousand combat interpreters to assist them in negotiating with the local people. The combat interpreters were people who lived in the country, often with families, and were promised visas on the US's exit. They needed visas on the US's exit. By working with American troops they had been considered by the Taliban and ISIS to be the enemy. They were threatened. Their families were threatened. But it would be OK because once the war was over they could leave the country for safety and a better life.

It didn't happen like that

Although some were given visas, some were left in their country, no longer protected and facing retaliation. In November 14 Junid Herean in Afghanistan, was captured and killed by the Taliban, a reprisal for his role as an interpreter. He was 26 years old.

A man who gave his name as Nader, also in Afghanistan, said that he struggled against two Taliban troops who were attempting to execute him. They shot him in the leg, he lay down and they thankfully left. He believes that had he not struggled he would have been killed.

In Iraq Malak (name changed) is currently on the run from ISIS, family in tow, after seeing a video of his fellow interpreter and close friend be beheaded.

The life's of these men and the life's of their families are currently in danger. Some are waiting for the US visa they were promised, a process they were told that could take up to 5 years, others were fired by the US military, often they claim towards the end of the US's involvement in the war and over minor issues. Nadar claimed he was fired for refusing to shout at an Afghan woman.

                                                       _____________________________

When Jason Morningstar wrote 'Terps it was to tell this story. Combat interpreters trying to improve the war torn place where they lived and the lives of them and their families. A science fiction lens has been placed over the true events. The Combine, an interstellar peace keeping operation has despatched troops, known as COMPROFOR to the planet Sirai where law and safety have been threatened by the PFLS.

COMPROFOR, not familiar with the language or customs of the planet have employed combat interpreters to communicate with the people of Sirai. The combat interpreters will earn a good wage and at the end of the war they will get a Combine visa for themselves and their families. Everyone involved knew that leaving them behind unprotected would result in their death or worse at the hands of the PFLS who would now view them as traitors.

There were interpretation scenes, family scenes and process scenes where the interpreters were attempting to get their visas. The game I played was run by Graham Warmsley and Karolina Soltys.

I played Karijan. My character sheet said that I used to be a taxi driver in the capital of Sirai. The PFLS killed my husband and I sent my salary home to support my mother and child (when I explained this in the first scene it was clear that the COMPROFOR officer had no respect for the interpreters "You don't think about them having families, do you?") It also said on my character sheet that if COMPROFOR pulled out and left us behind PFLS would shoot me at the grave of my husband and make my child watch.

We each had 3 scenes and the majority were disturbing. Until my last scene I thought I'd got off lightly. After someone had experienced something horrible, the death of their wife or being shown the chopped off hand of their brother or after someone would refer to the Sarai people as 'us' after a mission Njel, a retired army officer would always say, "not us, them. We are Combine now." It was something he held onto even after his daughter had acid thrown in her face.

My first two scenes were an awkward one where I was trying to apply for a visa and an officer was interrogating me, finding something wrong with every one of my answers. My second scene was a relief, meeting my daughter in a safe house but lying to her about how she just had to wait a little longer and everything would be wonderful. I also lied in my third scene when I was brought into see a suspected PFLS member who had been badly beaten. She said that she knew where the base was and I told the officer that she didn't know. He dismissed it as her lying and said as an officer he couldn't been seen to be involved in anything unpleasant, but if he left the room for 5 minutes then maybe I could get something out of her. I refused until he said 'do you want a visa or not?'

I sat with her for a few minutes begging her to give something up. I didn't hit her until she threatened my child. 

When I came back to the barracks area and collapsed Njel reminded me that they weren't us any more.

Then, the last scene - they had done the job apparently and were just leaving a few local forces behind to clear things up a bit. They were sure our visas would be sorted eventually. We would just have to wait.

And they left.

We talked about another plan, rushed and panicked although we knew this was coming. We would take our families and go underground. We would hide for as long as we had to. We weren't Sirai citizens, we weren't part of The Combine. "we are us" Njel said - although of course that wasn't, never would be enough.

I want to believe in the 4 characters making their way to somewhere safe with their families, maybe even finding their way off the planet and on to a safer one. I can believe that if I want. I can believe that because it was a game. I can believe that because we were pretending. If only the combat interpreters left in Afghanistan and Iraq could be so lucky.

Here Comes a Candle - a playtest of the first larp I've written

Maybe you began trying to fight back alone, passing out subversive literature because you couldn't bear seeing the eager young eyes that shone up at you look defeated and broken in just a few short years. 

Or maybe you began alone because one day your brother vanished, your younger brother who you promised to look out for but who you could never teach to keep his thoughts and opinions to himself. The regime were pretending he hadn't existed so you found the biggest, blankest wall you could and spray painted a memorial to him. "Murdered - gone too soon"

And maybe, as you were about to be caught, as a leaflet was about to slip into the wrong hands, someone took it and winked. Or perhaps as you were running and dodging bullets that you knew would hit you soon, someone took your hand and pulled you to safety.

The 4 of you had similar stories, of wanting to fight, of needing to fight. This was the first time in your life you realised that you weren't alone.

So, perhaps you became bolder, or perhaps you became more cautious, feeling that the 3 other people, standing defiant beside you, were your family and without them you would be lost forever. 

Did it come as a surprise when you got caught, or did you know that someday this would happen? You had all seen cruelty by this point, real cruelty. Families tortured, houses burnt and worse. All in the name of public safety. 

So why did you not expect this? When the 4 of you were pushed lost and beaten into a cell and told that you had a chance to live? That despite your activities against the state the ruler had decided to be merciful. Only one of you had to die at dawn. The 4 of you had an hour to decide who it would be, which of your family, as they had now become, would be killed.

This was playtest 1b (playtest 1a consisted of 2 people and scribbled scraps of paper).
This one I tried to present the way the finished larp would be. All the characters had a reason to live, with questions challenging it, reasons to die, with questions challenging it and a memory that bonded them to the rest of the group. They created characters from this and then the game began. 

My favourite moments were:

- About halfway through the game characters switched from arguing for their lives to arguing about why all the others in the group had better reasons to live.

- My utter frustration that one of the characters that was in love with another character was just hinting at it and not saying it outright.

- The character playing an academic started arguing rationally and then admitted that she considered the rest of the group her family and couldn't bear to lose them.

- Everyone saying goodbye to the person who was going to be executed made me feel really emotional. 

- The anger of the character who was going to die as he read the statement confessing to committing the crimes and the look of powerlessness and despair on the faces of the other characters (which was what I was trying to evoke.)

I also got some brilliant feedback after the game:

- At one point I had asked the players to announce which reason to live they had picked (although not the attendant questions). I had told them to pick out their reason to die secretly and not share it out of character. I wanted it role played and I wanted it to come as a shock within the game. Some players said that they were reluctant to mention them in game as they were unsure if they still had to be kept secret. This is something that I have to correct when I write it up.

- I emphasised in the description of the game that the characters had been engaged in civil disobedience and peaceful protest. One of the players suggested that it would be interesting if they didn't fight peacefully. 

I agree it would be an interesting exploration of when and if it is necessary to fight violence with violence but I was afraid that it would add an extra issue when the players only had an hour to make a decision. I was also afraid it would add an extra layer of complexity at the cost of some of the emotional impact. I may add some suggestions on the finished document of how the game can be altered to allow this though.

- Another suggested question for the character sheet was 'what has the regime done to you?' I'm debating adding it because:

a) Sometimes when you've lived with something all your life it's difficult to see all the wrongs that have been committed against you clearly, particularly in the context of a regime that regularly lies to people.

b)It implies one big thing had to have happened which is probably true in the case of some of the characters. However, I would also like to leave room for someone to be fighting because 'it's the right thing to do' or because they've suffered millions of 'paper cuts' and can't take it any more. Or for someone to fight as an outlet for their anger.

I'd love to play test this again. Actually, I'd love to be a player in it at some point too but I think I'll have difficulty finding the players, time and a venue,

I'm entering it for the Golden Cobra Challenge which means I can't publish it at the moment. I will put up a link to it early - mid November though so that other people can download it and play it if they wish.

I am really excited about this game, not only because it's the first larp I've written but also because of the reactions of the play testers. It works! I'm not sure I expected that!

Role -playing, larping and real life issues

‘I don’t know why they don’t just…’  We’ve all heard it. Perhaps from strangers at the bus stop, perhaps from our friends. Explaining the course of action that someone who’s homeless, or having mental health difficulties or living in poverty should take. Or someone who is experiencing racism or sexism or another form of difficulty or discrimination that the speaker has never experienced. It’s sometimes hard not to think like that, however much you try to avoid it.  After all, there are organisations that offer support, people who can help, medications that can help. And why shouldn’t you shout back at a stranger who’s swearing at you in the street if you're a woman surrounded by people. What’s the worse that can happen?

Lately I’ve been struggling with the idea of whether roleplaying games and larps can be tools for social change, whether they can open up others to the experience of being oppressed or frightened or lost in a world that isn’t always designed for them.

And when I try to design a game I always run into the same problem in my head  ‘well, this is what I would do.’ I know from my own experience of mental illness that it isn’t that simple. Even for someone who is informed about their options (and I am privileged in many ways) the gulf between knowing about them and seeking them out can be so wide that it can be impossible to cross. 

How can I play a homeless person struggling when my instinct is to think of solutions? Because of course, I know how to use the internet and how to access it for free, if the worst came to the worst I have a support network who would help me and I am fundamentally not alone. And if I experienced poverty, real poverty, not student poverty, I would know I could go to the job centre, fill out a form in English and advocate for myself eloquently.

If I was playing a game where I was facing these issues, sure I could pretend, but I wouldn’t come away with any new understanding or experience. So how can I make that happen? I’ve spoken before about Zoe Quinn’s twine game Depression Quest which tries to deal with the issue. You play a depressed man and you have a number of options of things you can do to begin to recover. But options are crossed off and the more depressed you get, the less options are available to you. This is a good illustration of living with depression and not being able to talk about it or get help despite knowing, somewhere in your mind that that’s what you should be doing. I don’t think it goes far enough though. If you choose the best option you can each time the main character can begin to recover. And you know what the best option is. You know because the main character isn’t you and you’re not the one who has to face it.

How can we overcome this in games? Counters? Mechanics? Creating as an immersive experience as possible? Giving out character sheets explaining what the character knows and what they are capable of doing that day? But then they are stuck perpetually, not a human being but someone who has stopped learning and stopped growing.  And the player always knows that after the game or the larp they can get up and walk away.

And I want players to experience for a moment, that fear, that helplessness. I want to understand and I want other people to understand why people make decisions which might seem inadvisable but are the best and only option that person has.

I have heard the suggestion from a couple of people for a larp that would be played like Wraith. Each character would be played by two players - the character themselves and the side of them that has a list of their limitations. They’re frightened so they don’t answer men who catcall them in the street, they are depressed so they really can’t force themselves out the door for work even though they should have left half an hour ago, they can’t speak English so they don’t understand why they are getting benefit sanctions.

This was a lot of words to say I don’t have the answers. I would really appreciate any ideas though. Is role-play just a bad tool for social change or is there a solution? Or am I thinking in black and white? Is role-play an imperfect tool to create social acceptance and understanding and if so how can we improve it? I am really interested in your thoughts.

A reminder that you can sign up to my mailing list here.

For people in London - Larpers or those who want to try out a larp

I'm going to make an attempt to push my LARP playtest on people again. Sorry to those who are hearing this for the millionth time.

The LARP is called here comes a candle. At the moment I have 3 people coming and ideally I'd like to test it with it 4 -6 players. 

The premise is:

Some of you have never known any different. Some of you remember what it was like before. All of you have witnessed the horrors of the totalitarian authority after they took power. 
So you resisted. Quietly and subtly at first and then as you found each other you began to make bolder moves. Newsletters, stories, graffiti, memorials for the dead. You became a family.


You got caught. 


In a prison cell together you were offered a deal. If one person confesses to being the leader of the resistance movement they will die. The rest of you will go free. Back to your children. Back to your lives. Back to continue the fight. Only one person needs to die at dawn. You have one hour to decide who.


Players will each have a reason why they should be the one to die and what they want to live for. The question is whether they can agree to the death of one person, one member of a group that has become a family, to save the life of the rest.


Are you willing to die? Are you willing to live? 

The event is on 13th October and you can sign up here: 

https://www.facebook.com/events/826958927402132/

It's the first LARp I've written and the second game I've written so I'm a little nervous.

If you would like to come but are not on Facebook or have any questions, please message me.


A reminder that you can sign up to my mailing list here.

I say a Little Prayer

Please note that this is a description of my experience playing the LARP I say a little prayer. If you intend to play this Larp at any point I would recommend that you don’t read this review - there will be spoilers which could lessen the emotional intensity and overall experience of the game for you.

I say a little prayer is about the lives of 5 gay men living in the 1980s (we chose London as our location.) It was written by Tor Kjetil Edland and facilitated by Graham Warmsley. All the characters in the game were distinct and we were very lucky to have a great group of players who managed to bring out the key aspect of each character.

The characters were:

Daniel - Outgoing, with a tendency to speak his mind. Charge nurse by day and drag queen by night. 
Robert: (My character) An empathetic ballet dancer, idealistic and emotional,  Robert had met his true love, Jim a year ago.
Jim: A literature student and aspiring novelist. Impulsive and the way he was played (which worked well), dramatic and prone to exaggeration although easily giving into emotion. Jim is Robert’s love but unlike Robert believes in a non traditional family and non-monogamy. 
Tommy: Probably the most self destructive of the group - damaged but hopeful, oscillating from despair to euphoria.
Benny -  The new guy. Probably the most drama free of the group, he spoke his mind and was empathetic with a flair for performance.

Act 1

The LARP was set in two acts. The first acts began with spotlight scenes which were heavily scripted. I wasn’t sure at first it was necessary (I think I wanted to get onto the relationship drama), but actually each scene showed us a little bit about each character; Daniel’s on stage persona, Robert’s empathy, Jim struggling with being open about his sexuality, Tommy’s tendency to self destruction and Benny’s impulsive nature. That meant that the players could start the relationship scenes with an idea of the character already in their mind.

Then the relationship scenes began - in the first half there were a few poignant moments. I had a scene with Jim who wanted us to have an open relationship and confessed to sleeping with other men (later scenes showed this may or may not have been true).

I also had a meaningful scene with Tommy’s character, trying to persuade him to come him with me after he was drunk and behaving inappropriately at a nightclub. Following the directions both characters switched moods and attitudes but the scene ended in Tommy and Robert crying on each other’s shoulders. It was later implied that Robert slept with Tommy, partly out of anger at Jim, which became significant later.

Other scenes included an incredibly awkward one where Jim and Benny were checking out men at a club while the rest of us danced background characters, and a particularly meaningful interaction between Daniel and Benny.  

At the end of Act 1, one of the character’s fell ill and died of AIDs. Graham as the facilitator asked everyone to write their names on cards and put them facedown in a suitcase. You could choose between one and 5 cards depending on how high risk you felt your sexual activities had been. After taking a moment Graham announced that in 1983 Tommy fell ill with Aids and died. Tommy’s character then gave a monologue about what happened, when they were hospitalised and how they died. Each character took hold of Tommy. When the last character let go Tommy had died. 

Act 2

Act 2 began with the four remaining characters present and clearing out Tommy’s belongings. The scenes in act 2, after Tommy’s death were far more hard hitting as they dealt with grief and the feeling of a death sentence hanging over the group.

Tommy was present as a ghost, touching and moving among the other characters but mainly not being noticed. One of the things I really liked in this LARP was that there wasn’t a strict adherence to the rules. Although Tommy wasn’t supposed to be visible he appeared in a scene when Jim, who had started to become afraid of the life he was living, was applying for a job as a teacher, a job he adamantly hadn’t wanted previously. During the meeting with a prospective employee he saw someone who looked like Tommy who was reacting as if they were deathly ill, something which the employer didn’t see. It worked well as an improvisation, both in that it gave an insight into Jim’s grief and also that it illustrated the fear that was causing him to try to change his life.

Daniel also became more bitter, believing that in having slept with Tommy he had killed him. He appeared unafraid of his own suspected death sentence, although admitted that he was in a scene we had together where Robert was also afraid as he was the only other one who had slept with Tommy.

There were some real gut punch scenes for me. Daniel getting angry at a fan who wanted to have sex with him after he believed he had killed Tommy, Daniel getting angry at Robert for believing he had infected Tommy and Benny and Jim talking at the disco about Jim feeling like a coward and Jim telling Robert he was marrying Mary, a woman his parents had put pressure on him to propose to.

Then, another death lottery. This time I put 5 cards in figuring that Robert had a) slept with Tommy and b) had a lot of sex after Jim announced he was getting married.

Daniel died this time, which made sense in game. He gave a moving monologue which did make me feel quite emotional and then as before each person touched him and the last person to let go meant his death.

Then there was an epilogue where the survivors, Benny, Jim and Robert were lighting candles to float down the river in the memory of those we had lost. Again a poignant scene which ended in an unscripted group hug

-----------------------------

The game was heavily directed by the facilitator which was generally a positive. At first I was a bit sceptical about that approach as it cut off scenes and forced characters to answer questions. However, particularly in the second act it brought out the emotion more heavily in some scenes, for example, by asking characters to switch their focus from a loved one leaving them to a loved one dying. It also kept scenes short and significant. It reduced time players had to fully explore their characters but ensured that the majority of scenes ended on a hard hitting note, some which felt like an emotional punch. 

To play this Larp successfully you need a very engaged facilitator and an ability to be able to let go of yourself and step into the life of your character. Perhaps due to the directing this was surprisingly easy. The first act, with it’s tones of self exploration in both constructive and destructive ways allowed all the players to build up characters who learn how to function together as a family. The dynamics between some particular characters and even the group as a whole built everyone up and brought them together.

And then, when act 2 hit it was a shock, although it shouldn’t have been, although we knew we were playing gay characters at the start of the 1980s, although we knew AIDs was part of the plot. When we were waiting for the death lottery I wasn’t only nervous because I didn’t want my character to be the one picked, I didn’t want any characters to be picked. I had grown so close to 4 fictional people over the course of about 2 hours that I didn’t want anyone to ‘die’ in the game (and be fine two hours later). And this was, for gay men in the 1980s, a reality of life. That you would watch friends and partners slowly dying in front of you and know that you could be next. 

And when act 2 began everything had changed. All that had been built up was torn down again. There was guilt, grief and fear and little room for anything else. Even through this the characters processed their feelings in their own ways, staying consistent to their personalities. But there was also a thread running through act 2 about how death had changed everyone, and everyone was diminished by it. 

In the epilogue, the 5 characters standing in a group hug, an unscripted moment of hope felt like it could be a redemption. People break and then go on the best way they know how. And if they live then they change but they don’t stay broken forever.

Let the World Burn

Written by Peter Fallesen and translated into English by Rasmus Husted Legêne, Lizzie Stark and Peter Fallesen and pitched at London Indiemeet by Karolina Soltys

It has taken me a while to write up this game. To be honest it has taken me a while to make sense of it.

Let the World Burn is a beautiful story game (which can apparently also be run as a LARP) about a search for a lost love in a decaying world.

From the start the David Lynchesque nature of the game is very apparent. There are 5 characters in the game. The 3 ‘humans’ are male. They are P.E, the romantic, searching for his true love amid the ruins; C, a ghost represented in the form of a set of his teeth that P.E carries in his pocket, O.D, a self destructive wannabe nihilist who is searching for the one woman who he believed truly understood him. In addition to these characters are the spirits of Love and Destruction, influencing events around them but not being physical presences in the story.  

Over all this hovers the spectre Q, a woman about whom we learn very little.

During the game the 3 ‘human’ characters, influenced by love and destruction frame scenes around their relationships with Q in the past. Significantly Q is not in any of these scenes having just left or yet to arrive. All those scenes are framed in flashback and scenes with C are framed from when he was alive. Ultimately, at least in the game that we played, C was dull but stable, P.E. accepting, and O. D. destructive but lost.

In between these scenes the search for Q continues in various locations, in her apartment; at a wake; at a motel and throughout the city which is slowly degrading as characters begin destroying their parts of the city as a mechanic to win arguments.

We learnt that O.D had regular sex with Q in the alley behind the porn theatre, that P.E and Q had a dull sex life and a life devoid of adventure and O.D. certainly believed that she wasn’t the settling down type, although again Q only appeared through the character interpretations of her and wasn’t present at any time. We also learnt that C spent 3 weeks with her when she had temporarily split up from P.E and it had been the most meaningful 3 weeks of his life until she had just left. (‘No wonder you jumped in front of a bus’ Destruction said)

At the end of the game the characters have to decide whether their search for Q is driven by love or destruction. The answer then affects how the game ends.

The interesting thing about this game is that although it’s focussed around the search the ultimate mystery is not around what has happened to Q. It’s quite clear, following the wake scene, possibly even following the scene in P.E and Q’s apartment what has happened. The real mystery is around who Q is and how 3 people (influenced by Love and Destruction) see her as someone so different that they might as well be searching for 3 different women. Maybe this has something to say about the nature of love, that we can only understand aspects of others through our own view of the world. Thus Q is equally a devoted housewife, an impulsive exhibitionist lover and someone who is soft and tender enough to change someone’s world in 3 weeks.

Or perhaps Q is none of those things and has become a cipher for what the characters really want - someone like them. Perhaps Destruction could argue that love is always destructive because you’re taking a person with their own hopes and desires and moulding them into the image that you want them to fit. But Love could answer that maybe, even if you never know a whole person you can love the part that you do know with all your heart. And maybe the question of who Q really was is now unanswerable. Maybe it was always unanswerable. Maybe that was the point.

A reminder that you can sign up to my mailing list here.

Why Indie gaming is great!

This is mostly a filler post. I have lots of things to write about but I have to think about the best way to go about it. So for now...

I got into gaming late, by gaming standards. I played my first game a year and a half ago, maybe a bit over. I never played Dungeons and Dragons and although I adore Cthulhu it is more for the absolute horror the GM can invoke than any strategic abilities on my part.  I can only really talk about Indie games.

I think since I started playing, gaming has changed something in me for the better. It seems a strange thing to talk about how sitting round the table changes things but for me it did:

• You get to play pretend – obvious, but worth saying.
• Conflict: I was incapable. I know this isn't universal by any means but I couldn't stand the thought of being disliked. Only somehow having survived the attentions of a ghoul in Monsterhearts and convincing someone in Fiasco to just put the gun down and we could talk and countless other 'encounters' – well I'm not completely cured but I'm much better at telling people to back off.
• Lines and veils – I was hesitant to include this here but it fits. Lines and veils are the absolute no. If you have a trauma or a phobia or just don't want to play a game with a specific aspect in it then the GM and the other players better respect that. If they don't they are shitty human beings. So you learn to say no – this is enough. And for some people having that no respected without comment is life changing.
• There is a community. At least, there is where I am which is admittedly London. But I have met and become close to some wonderful people and if there is any sort of roleplaying community in your area chances are you will too.
• I started blogging. And then I started writing my own games.And then I started writing short stories.  And then I wrote a LARP.
• You can experiment with aspects of yourself, self identity and aspects of situations that you don’t quite understand.
• You can facilitate games without GMing - although as I have GMed a grand total of 2 games for people who were doing me a favour I really must get over that!
• I lean towards playing heavier themed more immersive games, But I have also played games that have left me practically crying with laughter.
• I can now improvise. I have also just qualified as a teacher. I have a feeling this is going to be a useful skill :)

A reminder that you can sign up to my mailing list here.

Juggernaut review

It is July third, 1950. The Korean War is eight days old. National Security Council Report 68 is sitting on Harry Truman’s desk, a grim outline of the Cold War that is to enfold the world for the next 40 years. Alan Turing’s paper “Computing Machinery and Intelligence” is circulating for review. Cinderella is a box office sensation.And you have invented a computer that can see the future.Employing cutting-edge Ward-Takahashi identity derivations outside their quantum-theoretical framework, JUGGERNAUT processes enormous data sets, ostensibly in the service of code-breaking once the technology is proven and refined. The unstable geniuses behind the math have reached some curious conclusions that only experimental evidence can confirm. By the numbers, JUGGERNAUT —given enough resources— should be able to crack ciphers before they are even invented.

Juggernaut is a LARP for 4 - 6 characters who are testing the new machine - a computer that can supposedly see the future. All characters are pre-written and there are various reason why there might already be tension between them. Some are scientists and the character I played who worked building rockets under the Nazi regime before transferring to America (where we set the game) kept fighting with the military officer who had lost friends during the war. Other characters had equal reasons why there might be tension between them. In addition to personal reasons for strained relationships the game was set in an era of racism, xenophobia and McCarthyism so the atmosphere as the game began was one of tension and paranoia.

The contents of the game were a soundtrack to the machine working and a deck of 21 cards with different predictions on them. There were extra decks of cards that could replace cards in the original deck used to change some of the predictions so there is a re-playability value and I would be keen to play this game again, preferably as a different character.

The predictions themselves were unveiled when a character pressed play on the soundtrack and took a card when the soundtrack completed. The predictions began with relatively mundane events and political events in the future which our characters had no way of verifying. The challenge of the LARP was that all predictions about the team members on that day had to come true. The first card I drew was that I had lost a pen and would engage others in a search for it. Which I then had to do during the course of play.

I won’t go into details about the predictions. Discovering them and acting on them is the fun of the game. One of the players called Juggernaut an ‘improvised LARP’ and I think that’s a fair assessment. Every card you drew, you had to ensure that the events on it happened during the game and as the intensity of the cards increased it led to the team becoming increasingly paranoid, secretive and hostile towards one another.

  

As we started to get through cards and realised that some of the ‘predictions’ hadn’t been acted on one of the players had the idea of, in character, sorting the cards into verified (i.e. things that had occurred), unverified (i.e. things that were predicted to occur but that we hadn’t made happen yet) and unverifiable (things predicted for a future date.) This made it easier for players to see what actions their character’s still needed to complete by the end of the game.

The game lasted about 2 hours and was enjoyable. We did experience some issues of our character’s personalities altering as predictions came through in order to fit in with the predictions. However, there was some guidance given on each character and how they felt about the others so none of the alterations were incredibly drastic. It did make it difficult to play any of the characters in a nuanced way but in a 2 hour game this wasn’t a problem.

The game was partially immersive in an interesting way. On one hand I did feel the tension and paranoia increase with particular predictions, and in fact it was immersive to the point that I accidently opened the door a few times when I was pulling on it as hard as I could, forgetting that I wasn’t really locked in!

On the other hand I had to take a step back and work out how and when I could play out predictions and how I could give others an opportunity to play out their’s.

Overall if you get the opportunity to play this game, play it. I would advise that in addition to focusing on your character card and ensuring that your predictions play out you focus on your feelings towards the machine and how they change throughout the game depending on the predictions you receive. What happens if you are sceptical but the predictions, despite your best efforts come true? What happens if you start off believing in the maths but have a really, really vested interested in the machine being wrong? It would probably useful to have a brief understanding of the time period the game is set in to get the full experience of it.

This game strikes me as a very good beginner LARP that would work well for someone who wants to try out LARPing but hasn’t done it before.

Juggernaut can be purchased from Bully Pulpit Games

For events and reviews in story games and LARPing please sign up to my newsletter at:

Worlds of note mailing list