Learning how to GM - part 1

I have a confession to make. I have never GMed before. This, of course is because I am far too indie and prefer the type of games where everyone builds a story together.

Actually, it's because I'm far too terrified. See the thing about GMing is that everyone is looking at you. As much as people have told me that it's equally the player's fault if a game doesn't work, I can't quite make myself believe that.

I have a tendency to catastrophise – that I am going to be terrible and / or lose all my words at a crucial moment.

It doesn't help, of course, that I have played with some amazing GMs who know exactly what they are doing and can effortlessly make the players feel whatever they want them to feel (usually terrified.)

It's strange that this feels different. I have played countless games of Fiasco and other games where you take your turn to act as the storyteller for a scene and in theory that should be harder because you can't really prepare for your turn.

Anyway, I've been playing for over a year and I want to be able to run games so it really is time. I have a friend who has very very patiently helped me choose a genre, advised me on how to find a system and suggested ways that my adventure might work so that the players are engaged. To be honest I probably would've taken another 5 years to get to this point otherwise. (I'm going for Cthulhu dark by the way – potentially scary but no complicated rules to remember). I have some idea of the players I want who are probably not going to laugh at my GMing attempts (even though I don't think they scare particularly easily. I really want 3 clones of myself as players "you hear a sound behind you". "What? Where? Help!").

So step 1: The first session is currently being written and when it's finished and people have time we will play. I will keep you updated. Unless it goes terribly. Then I won't tell you anything.

And this has been your fortnightly insecurity post.